Struggling with behavior?

Do you remember when your kids were infants? Of course you do! And remember how they would cry… and it was a series of trial and error to figure out what they needed to meet their human needs? Maybe they were hungry, needed a diaper change, wanted to cuddle or simply needed to be soothed to sleep.

It could be frustrating (to say the least) when you couldn’t quickly solve their cries of DISCOMFORT! But eventually you learned to pay attention to their cues and give them what they needed most. You were always there to relieve their PAIN.

But now they're bigger and it’s more complex to identify their human needs. And sometimes you simply forget they are still learning…still kids with developing brains

And they haven’t yet developed the self regulation skills or the body awareness skills they need to verbalize and advocate for their human needs…and to soothe their own discomfort.

Because their behavior looks different now…their behavior is impulsive, and unpredictable…and you struggle to notice the cues and meet their human needs.

And just like when they were infants and they needed your help to meet their human needs…and now… today they still need your help to meet their human needs…

Now… their cries of DISCOMFORT look different.

When they are bored (at school)…they might need VARIETY (something interesting to them). When they are defiant…they might need to feel SIGNIFICANT (and in control of their own decisions).

Or when they feel like they aren’t good enough (because they are different from the ‘normal’ kids)…they might need your love and CONNECTION.

And when they don’t feel confident in their ability to make progress (even tiny progress)…they might need CERTAINTY (your confidence and support to keep going).

Their HUMAN NEEDS are ALWAYS driven by a desire to relieve their DISCOMFORT and PAIN. And this experience is different for every child.

So what they need more than anything…is for YOU to notice their HUMAN NEEDS…Because you know them better than any teacher, doctor or therapist ever will.

It’s why school can make them feel worse (and discipline might not work)…because their HUMAN NEEDS are NOT met at school.

They're not interested in what’s being taught (VARIETY), they don’t feel SIGNIFICANT because they struggle to behave and pay attention.

And when they feel pressure from teachers to perform beyond their current capabilities, it’s not CONNECTION they feel…it’s shame and DISCOMFORT.

But home can be different…because Moms can learn new noticing skills…and turn their new noticing skills into superpowers if they want…superpowers to coach their child…and make progress to feeling good and happy.

Because all you really want is for them to be happy and successful.

So reflect for a moment on your child’s behavior…what is their behavior REALLY trying to tell you?

Persist!

Angel

P.S. Does your child have challenging behavior? There’s a reason! Snag a free call with me and let’s discover your next best step to bring more calm and happiness to your home!